2 July 2014

On Leaving, Growing Up & Missed Opportunites


On the 9th of June, I officially became a 6th year (the last year of school) and to say that scares me is a huge understatement. The old 6th years officially left quite a few weeks ago but it's only really sinking in now. I guess I've been living in denial a little bit... As weird as it seems, I felt ridiculously sad on their last day. The night before the last day, I wrote a note on my phone at like, 2am and I just found it again. It's a little bit odd but I thought I'd share it with you nonetheless.

The 6th years leaving isn't upsetting because they're my friends*, it's upsetting because they represent missed opportunities. I'll miss having them there; their presence is comforting and it reminded me that there's someone older to hold more responsibility than me.  The best way I can think to describe it is by referring to a quote from The Great Gatsby (thank you, Higher English): Nick says that he is in the "consoling proximity of millionaires" and, for me, the 6th years are the millionaires. Their presence is really comforting and being in their 'proximity' is all I really needed. Now, they're off doing fancy adult things like going to uni and getting jobs and they've left me behind. As lame as this sounds, they were my security blanket. 

It's unlikely that I'll ever see any of them again*. I feel like I took them for granted and should have built up relationships when I had the chance. Now it's too late because I'm no longer going to be trapped in the same building as them for 7 hours everyday. There's something admirable and almost glamorous about the sixth years... Wow, that was pathetic. :'D 

They act as a reminder that I'm growing up and getting older; it'll be me leaving this time next year. They're not that much older than I am and they're probably just as confused but, somehow, they seem so much more put together. I still don't know what I want to do when I leave school...I'm all over the place, to be honest. The 6th years leaving has just reminded me that it's my turn next and it's going to come way quicker than it should.
 
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Edit: This post was written a few weeks ago but I've been unsure about publishing it because it's quite personal and maybe a little bit embarrassing... I've decided to share it because I have a feeling that I'm not the only person who feels this way, whether you're in your last year of school or not. I've just read over the post and found that I need to add a couple of side-notes. * Since the 6th years leaving, I have actually seen a small group of them again so I guess it's not as bad as I was initially expecting. Also, I do consider one of the old 6th years as a friend and have for 6 months or so, I just didn't realise it when I was writing the post. 

Lots of love, Cat
xxx

4 comments:

  1. You have wrote EXACTLY how I feel, so much so it's quite creepy! I guess I should've realised that I wasn't the only one who felt like this, so it's actually reassuring to know that others feel the need for a 'security blanket', and that they don't know what they want to do as a career. Hopefully 6th year won't be so daunting as the year goes on. Sorry this is such a long comment, but you hit home with this post haha. Try and enjoy your summer though, and forget about 6th year, despite all the adv. higher English reading - that's what I'm doing =) xx
    Btw, loved the gatsby quote =D

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    1. Oh, haha! I'm so happy someone feels the same way. :)
      I hope you have a brilliant summer holiday! xx

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  2. For something written at 2am, that's really well written :) I feel the same. My last day of school is tomorrow, and after the summer holidays I'll be a Year 11 - the last year of school. It's a weird feeling, especially now the Year 11s have left because suddenly all of the attention is on us. You're definitely not the only one who feels like that! xx

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    1. I'll admit; it is quite edited. :'D I hope Year 11 treats you well! xx

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