16 September 2013

Not Everyone Will Like You


This post is in response to Carrie Fletcher's recent video 'Why Don't You Like Me?!', where she talks about how some people will hold something against you, or dislike you for no apparent reason. This happens to everyone but it often takes a while to come to terms with it and accept that some people will just not like you and there's nothing you can do about it.

This happened to me quite a few times and it was only a few months ago that I grew to accept it. Often someone will decide that they don't like you before they even speak to you, and the only thing you can do to change their opinion is to continue to be yourself and do what you're doing, in the hope that they'll realise that they were wrong. People judge you for the way you walk, your accent, the clothes you wear, the way you do your hair and pretty much everything else you do. It's these judgements that form a person's opinion of you, meaning that an opinion can be made before they even speak to you. The only thing you can do is give the person time and maybe make an effort to speak to them, even though it'll probably be incredibly hard at first. 

I thought I would share a couple of experiences I've had where people have judged me before they've got to know me, in the hopes that you'll realise that this happens to pretty much everyone and it doesn't last for long. :)

The first time I ever really experienced this was in third year when I was 14. There was a girl in a few of my classes who I had never really spoke to but was kind of friends with one of my best friends. One day in fashion class she 'borrowed' scissors from my friend then didn't give them back, so I said something. I'll admit, I was in a bit of a mood that day but I honestly did keep my cool and just asked for the scissors back. She hated this. She glared at me and started bitching about me to everyone she sat with, some of which were my friends. I just avoided eye contact and kept quiet, feeling pretty bad. Later on in the same lesson I was having a laugh with my friends about something completely unrelated but this girl thought the laughter was aimed at her and started to hate me even more, thinking that I was taking the piss. I guess this was a simple misunderstanding after what happened, but it really didn't help the situation. I was feeling pretty terrible at this point but I realised that I hadn't done anything wrong so I tried to forget about it. At the end of the lesson I went to the next-door class to put my fashion box back and the aforementioned girl came to put hers back too. This meant that we were in a class alone together; just me and a girl who had quickly grown to hate my guts. I put my box back, avoided eye contact and went to leave the class but she stood in front of me, blocking my path and shoved me. What I did next really didn't help the situation..I laughed...*head desk*. I wasn't laughing at her, I was laughing at the whole thing and what was happening but of course she thought I was laughing at her. Well done, Catriona. So smart... She really didn't like me after that lesson and made that very clear by talking about me to her friends (and my own friends) for weeks after. She said that I was stuck-up, impolite and arrogant, all of which are completely untrue. She had judged me on the way I looked, that one incident in fashion class, and my accent which is more english-y than other people in my area. Luckily, we sorted things out and are now okay with each other, as we both got to know each other and realised that our assumptions were wrong. 

Another time that someone (or in this case a group of people) have decided they don't like me was more serious than the first time, and went on for a bit longer. It again happened in fashion (not the best class for me), this time in 4th year when I was 15. I was just sitting, minding my own business one day when the group of girl's opposite me starting laughing. Seems normal, right? I ignored it until my friends said that they were actually laughing at me. They would look up at me, whisper something then break into laughter. I kept my head down and got on with my work but then a ball of paper hit my head. I asked my friend to read it so I could keep my composure, so she read it and binned it straight away. I still don't know what it said but I really don't want to. This happened for the full lesson, but after a few balls of paper we started replying. The three of us (two of my friends and I) would write come-backs and correct their grammar before throwing the notes back. They didn't have a problem with my friends doing this and every note thrown was aimed at me. I left the class feeling okay because correcting their spelling and grammar was fun, but this went on for weeks. I stopped replying and my friends moved their seats so they were forming a little barricade around me. The girls complained to the teacher that I was staring at them, throwing mean notes and not getting on with the work (basically what they were doing), and continued to torment me for a good 2 or 3 weeks. It only stopped after we went on study leave for the exams. They had done this because they said I had been staring at them and, again, thought I was stuck up. They still don't like me at all, but at least they don't make it quite so clear.

I enlisted the help of a few blogging friends to give their point of view and share some experiences they've had where people have made snap judgements against them.

I have actually had this happen to me a lot through my life but particularly when I started high school. I was very excited about going into high school and was looking forward to making new friends and so I was honest with people and tried to show people who I am in the hope I would find friends like myself. I love reading, writing  and I care about my education a great deal more than a lot of people do. This came across when my class started getting into trouble due to other pupils who liked to make the teachers angry, and when people noticed that I didn't laugh or find it funny. That was when people started to dislike me, the bullying started and I was made to feel like an outsider. There was no reason for it, I never did anything to cause people to be like that. I just thought what they were doing was wrong and I wanted to do well at school. Six months ago I moved school and I fit in here and nothing like this has happened. People like me for who I am. - Holly from 'A Daydreamers Thoughts'.

I've never been openly told by anyone that they dislike or hate me, but obviously from peoples body language and what they say you can take a good guess. Generally, if someone dislikes me it is from something I have said, it is usually when I've not thought about it properly or said something out of context, or the most popular reason, that I can be pretty annoying sometimes! To be honest, I used to feel really bad about myself if I knew or had an idea that someone did not like me particularly much - but I've come to realise that there is enough people that do not dislike me (they might find me annoying occasionally but stick around anyway!!) so I can forget about the people that dislike me. It is however always important to be civil and respectful, even to people you know don't like you. No matter what people say, being nice does get you somewhere! However, do not get hung up on the fact that not everyone likes you - it is literally impossible to get everyone in the world to like you - there will always be someone who does not like your personality, your attitude, is jealous of you, thinks they are better than you.... but there are way more who DO and try and focus on those relationships than on the relationships with people that DON'T! - Jean from 'Oberjean'.

I'm not going to lie, I am one of those people who cares way to much about what people think of me and wants everyone to like me. I always worry what people who I have barely spoken to or hardly know think of me when really it shouldn't matter. So I'm going to try and listen to my own advice. There is going to be someone out there, no matter how kind you are, who will look everywhere for a reason to dislike you. They may barely know you and its very likely you wont have done anything wrong, but for some reason they may see you and instantly think 'I don't like her!' (or him). It just something everyone does, often with out thinking and there opinion can be irrational and judgemental but it can sometimes get you down. But their opinion shouldn't matter. Go about your life, be kind to them and don't let them ruin your day. If you feel down about it ever, just remember you have amazing friends and family, who love you, and those are the ones the matter :D - Helena from 'In A Few Nutshells'.

I've experienced being disliked for no real reason. Last September at the beginning of the new school year I joined a new class where I literally knew nobody. I made a few friends really quickly, but I also made a couple of 'enemies'. The thing is, I had no idea why. All it was, was a snap decision that the girl made, with no reason behind it. I don't even think I'd spoken to her. All I can say is - it doesn't matter. So what if someone doesn't like you? That probably means they're not your kind of person and that they wouldn't be a great friend anyway. There are always going to be people who do like you, and that is what's important. :) - Amber from 'The Mile Long Bookshelf'.


If you've ever experienced something similar or just have something you want to say, leave a comment below - I reply to every one! I really hope you enjoyed this post and hopefully took something from it. :) Now I have a little favour to ask... It would mean the world to me if you could share this post around and maybe even share it with Carrie herself. She really inspired me to write this and share these experiences with you, when I usually wouldn't. Just drop her a tweet or something - it would honestly mean the world. ^__^ 

Lots of love, Cat
xxx   

12 comments:

  1. This happens quite a lot at my school, a person just meets you and their already judging you and being mean. I still get annoyed by people because I have spots and people say things that really upset me. And back in Primary 7 a new girl came to our school and she didn't speak to me the whole year, she just gave me cold looks. And then near the end of the year she told me that people had said stuff about me that wasn't very nice. But I have my family and friends who care lots and lots about me and love me for me. :)

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    1. Family and friends are all that matters, not those mean people. Like someone once said (no idea who...) the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind. ^_^ Something's telling me that they are Charlie McDonnell lyrics...:P xx

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  2. this is a really great post!
    read mine related to bullying as well!

    http://colorfullbliss.blogspot.com/2013/09/i-am-against-cyberbullying.html

    hope you follow my blog! =)
    ♥ina♥
    http://colorfullbliss.blogspot.com

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  3. Thanks - I sent you an email in reply :)
    Holly x

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    1. I got it and I'm working on my reply. Thank you so much xx

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  4. A fabulous post Cat!! It's always nice to remind yourself that you don't need to make sure everyone likes you, just be yourself.

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    1. Thank you! I'm so happy it's going down well you everyone. ^_^ xx

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  5. Kids will be kids, I accepted it in school, now I just don't bother. If there's no reason for someone to dislike me then that's their problem.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    1. Life is better when you just accept it and move on. :) xx

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  6. She pushed you?! Whaaaaaat?! That's just... eugh! I'm glad you two are at least civil now though! And, don't worry, no one could have talked you down to me, Kit-Cat - I didn't listen to her at all. :P

    My gawd, I remember how annoying those girls were throwing those notes at you! Seriously so immature. They should have been doing their work. They actually picked up practically everyone in that class - me included.

    Great post - very inspiring! ;D

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    1. Yeah...:( Thankies, love ya Rocky! ;D
      They're eeeeeevil...EEEEEVIIILL. xx

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